Outcomes of divorce on children Essay

Divorce, while lengthy and sometimes hurtful, can be beneficial to the children and spouses. Children coming from situations of abuse and neglect actually benefit from the separation of parents. These parents may remain single or remarry, still studies have shown that the children have and are thriving in a way they were unable to before the separation. While there are exceptions to every rule, the divorce has become a positive alternative in some families. Children coming from homes where violence and abuse is an ordinary occurrence, are not only victims in their childhood, but are continually affected as adults. According to the Traumatogentic model, proposed by Dr. Finkelor (1987), the abused child produces a number of different psychological effects and long term behavioral changes. Leaving a child in such a situation would not only cause continual physical harm, but also the long term psychological problems. In such cases divorce is encouraged for the benefit of both the spouse being abused and the child involved. After divorce children have been shown to thrive in the new, abuse-free environment; showing improvements in their education, attitude, and overall social development. Another factor of positive divorce is the presence of neglect in the household. Accumulating information from the Attachment Theory proposed by John Bowlby in 1980, researchers have compiled evidence of the side effects of the lack of a secure attachment to caregivers at an early age. Because of rejection and inconsistent attention, among other forms of neglect, these children have â€Å"developed anxious, insecure or disorganized/disoriented attachments with their primary care providers† (U. S. Department of Health and Human Services). With two parents this neglect from one or both can turn to a feeling of hatred for one or both parents from the child. â€Å"This lack of secure attachment relationship then hinders the infant’s or toddler’s ability to explore his/her environment and develop feelings of competence† (U. S. Department of Health and Human Services). Divorce here is an apparent necessity to the children involved. Based on the long term effects of neglect from numerous studies, children are better with one parent that cares for them or a non-biological parent than two that do not accurately care for the child’s needs. While being exposed to the process of divorce, children have become aware that struggle is a normal part of marriage and have been able to use their parents as examples. In a study done by â€Å"Psychology Today†, twenty-eight college students were interviewed to see how their parents divorce influenced their own current and past relationships. The group was divided into three different groups according to their responses. The first group were named the â€Å"Modelers†. This group mimicked their parents relationship, continuing to be dysfunctional. The second group were the â€Å"Strugglers†, this group showed a cautiousness in trusting others and hesitancy in opening up to others. The third were the â€Å"Reconcilers†. These students strove to learn from their parents mistakes and the problems they witnessed, to create more successful relationships in their own lives. The group that the students fell into also had to do with the type of relationship they had with their parents before the breakup and after. It was found that the â€Å"modeler† group had â€Å"limited insight† to the problems that their parents were going through. The â€Å"strugglers† lost touch with their parents and received little support after the divorce. In contrast, â€Å"reconcilers† kept touch with their parents and were given positive reinforcement† (H. Parker). In these cases the students learned from their parents divorce by example. Neither regretting their parent’s decision nor harboring ill feelings toward them for the separation. Good communication between parents and children was key to a happy outcome post-divorce. In an interview done by Dr.  Joyce Arditti of the Virginia Polytechnic Institute, fifty-eight young women who were raised by only their mother were asked their feelings on the situation. The women all agreed that the relationship between themselves and their mothers could never be closer. The relationships evolved into that of a best friendship rather than an authority figure and child. Although they are not the traditional mother-daughter relationships, they still provide support for the child in all the ways that a typical mother could and even go beyond that to the type of support that only a friend could provide. Growing up in a family with both parents present, was somewhat less than picture perfect in my own experiences. As a child, hearing constant arguing from both parents caused me to have a bias opinion on the parent doing the least amount of yelling or the parent that was fighting for my cause. This fighting being a constant in my life, made me wish that they would divorce, but because of personal religious reasons they have not. This, in turn, causes me to have apprehensions about marriage and doubt some of the stipulations that I was raised to associate with marriage. Divorce in my case would benefit my relationship with both parents and ease my own apprehensions about marriage. Divorce will always be a tough situation for the parents and children involved, but that does not mean that it has to be a negative one. The term divorce has been, in recent years, coined with a negative connotation. This however, is out-dated and one sided. With the recent studies and the help of psychologists, the term divorce has become somewhat less than taboo in our society today.